I was away for a long time. I had not admitted to myself I would be gone long. I went to my home-town, but now I have returned I am home. It’s peculiar. Boundaries and admissions I can not and choose not to make. Choices and responsibilities and decisions I wait till last minutes not to take.

I booked a bus for the very next day, my aversion to fuss just prefers it that way. I hate my body today but still ate take-away, cause I wanted gherkins and it seemed a price to pay.

I’m beginning to refuse because that is the only way to choose but god I do not like the way it feels and fears I’ll lose you. All this is illusory, the missing things, the moves and we are caught between and caught within a darker day a deeper sin.

I love sun, I love to get tanned, I love it on holiday, soaking on sand. Or even still here I can love it but now I have essays to write things I must do but how? How to work out when even playing guitar on a day like today is too sweaty by far? How can I think long enough to write essays every droplet I drink evaporates anyways… How can I breathe when the air is so heavy the burdens we carry the dust in hot breeze, how can I see when my eyelids are heavy the burdens we carry from trust not deceipt?

So I lie in my bed, without you beside,

I hope dreams will catch me and in them I’ll hide

Because all your warmth, though darling I missed it,

Today, any more, and I’ll melt in a minute.